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Total Film | Battleship Review

Nigh-on two hours of gale-force military fetishism, a script set to soundbite (“Boom!” says the underused, but surprisingly un-terrible, Rihanna, firing a cannon), and stratospheric levels of product placement.

At one point Hopper actually plays Battleships with real battleships (well, destroyers). Meanwhile, Michael Bay’s hectic editing provides the blueprint for the seasick action sequences, and the alien ships look exactly like Transformers – another Hasbro property.

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