Independent Cinema writes: If there’s a children’s story that should never be a children’s story, it’s probably Hansel & Gretel. Taken away from their family and tortured by a witch in her candy-coated house, the two kids face an almost certain death but manage to work together to burn the witch alive. Now, that may not sound like the best kid’s book, but it definitely sounds like it could work as an R-rated horror comedy, especially one from Tommy Wirkola, the guy behind Nazi zombies in Dead Snow. Throw in people like Peter Stormare who love to ham it up in their roles, an action star like Jeremy Renner, Prince of Persia’s Gemma Arterton, and you’d think there would be no doubt this film would be tons of stupid fun. Well, instead of watching the two kids raise some hell on a group of witches, I felt like Hansel: being stuffed with pointless eye-candy until I could break free and burn this train-wreck of a film from my memory.