“Thank you, Jesus,” Sarah cries. No, thank you, Sarah. Because I now know what the new True Blood has become. It still wants to be that steamy beach time guilty pleasure you deny watching at work, but it’s become more than that. We knew Alan Ball was leaving, but who could have guessed the spirit of Aaron Spelling would take over? This isn’t just HBO’s summer fling; it’s Dynasty in fangs; Melrose Place with a dash of human entrails thrown against the wall; Dallas by way of Bon Temps. And it has more soapy suds than a laundry mat.