OS: In “Machete,” blades flash and body parts are sliced. Heads roll. And hands, torsos, legs and other limbs.
Robert DeNiro drawls, wears a cowboy hat and guns down illegal immigrants with a hunting rifle.
Steven Seagal is a Mexican drug lord with samurai sword skills.
Jessica Alba showers, Lindsay Lohan skinny dips and Cheech Marin wears a clerical collar as a priest with an ear for profanity.