The spaceship Covenant, director Ridley Scott's latest flying deathtrap, carries 15 crew members, 2,000 colonists, 1,400 embryos, and zero pandas. Pandas insist on eating empty-calorie bamboo — they’re bears denying their carnivorous biology to chow down on 20-foot celery — and procreate so apathetically that cubs become Earth celebrities. Clearly there's no sense in shipping self-destructive animals to colonize new planet Origae-6; as a species, they're almost suicidal. Instead, the Covenant packed humans. But in Scott's Alien franchise, humans are no smarter.