EW - Welcome to Texas. Here you'll find more tragic Scotty McCreery impersonators, a woman accidentally punching Ryan Seacrest in the mouth (!), and, incredulously, not one but two delusional males attempting to sing "Unbreak My Heart." You'll also find a blue-tongued swamp creature who angrily insists he is the leader -- nay, the embodiment -- of a revolution, yet cannot name a single aspect of the current world that is problematic. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…an excuse to play Lady Gaga's "Alejandro." Hooray!