"Ladies and gentlemen (mostly the latter), I have fallen in love with a woman. Everyone always says they know ‘hotter chicks’ down at the local grocery store/commissary/strip club, but they peak in one area: shallowness. In this film, I have met a woman I could love until I died. Or my heart fell out, although that would surely lead to… whatever. Anyway, my point is that this woman is magic. In the real world, she’s known as Greta Gerwig. In this piece, she’s known as Naomi. And she’s a hero. Of my heart."