FGE: xXx: Return of Xander Cage is quite possibly one of the dumbest goddamn movies I’ve seen in a cinema in some time. Now, ordinarily, that would be the kind of sentence that serves as a preamble to a brutal, wholesale critical evisceration, and were I reviewing say…oh I dunno, Prometheus, that would indeed be the case. But this ain’t a review of Prometheus, it’s a review of xXx: Return of Xander Cage, and truth be told, it seems unfair to criticize Return of Xander Cage for being dumb. Especially when it’s so dumb. So gloriously dumb.
To put it bluntly, if you're expecting anything more than a shallow plot and line after line of eye-roll-inducing dialogue, then you're better off looking to the Ethan Hunts or the James Bonds of the world for your fix of cinematic escapism. Otherwise, if you want to party like it's 1999 and you relish the idea of a dude punching another dude in the face with the front tire of a motorcycle, then xXx: Return of Xander Cage is for you.
Vin Diesel’s “xXx: Return of Xander Cage” is prepared to make more in China than in North America after getting off to a roaring start in the Middle Kingdom.
XXX: The Return of Xander Cage is in theaters worldwide. ComiConverse film critic Jordan Samuel gives his official review.
Why can't they just make another punk rock film from Europe? I'm sick of seeing Brazil...
